Let's talk about depression

I have depression. It can make life very hard some times. The reason I don't post much to this blog isn't forgetfulness, it's the I-have-no-motivation and I-have-nothing-good-to-say feelings that I find myself with whenever I think of posting. 
I'm really OK for the most part. I've gotten the help I need, and because of that, I'm happy and healthy and I am doing things with my life. (Woo!)
But bad days still happen... days when my depression creeps up on me and makes everything wrong. Excitement turns into anxiety. Motivation turns into laziness. Love turns into loneliness. Smiles turn into tears. All of this wrongness fills me up, and it feels like I could just BURST.
When I have my bad days, it feels like all of my progress has been thrown away, like I'm not better at all... It can feel like my life is over. But here's the thing: that isn't true! That is so not true. One little setback is not the end. I have come so far. Things will never be perfect, but they WILL get better.

"Also let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!"

-Elder Jeffrey R Holland

Kaitlyn

Concerts and beauties

Gillian took me to One Direction VERY last minute. She texted me maybe half an hour before we needed to go... Lots of speeding and lots or running happened. We made it right on time and had such a fun time!

 

 Mikylah and I had ANOTHER summer of concerts! I didn't really take any pictures at Ed Sheeran (which was amazing and beautiful), but we took tons at Taylor Swift! We lit up our dresses and made a sign... we definitely annoyed our section with how bright we were! The 1989 tour was so good, Taylor Swift never ever disappoints. I love going full-on crazy fangirl with this girl!

 

In my happy place

On Thursday, my mom and I drove down to my favourite place on earth. We spent three nights in Waterton in our motor home with my aunt Steph. (The first night, we were ASSAULTED by moths, there were like 30 of them hiding out in there!) We had a great spot with just the right amount of shade, right up by the mountains. (B5!!)

During our time in Waterton, we "hiked" to Akamina Lake from Cameron Lake (it was more of a stroll), walked through the town site, ate tons of ice cream, played in Red Rock Canyon, and visited Cameron Falls.

We did end up spending all of Saturday at the Boat Club for this year's pig roast. It was boiling hot this weekend, so we spent quite a bit of time on the water kayaking, tubing, and swimming. Despite the resulting sun burns and sore muscles, it was such a good day!

I'm so grateful for this beautiful world our Heavenly Father has created for us, and for the wonderful family I'm a part of!

♥ Kaitlyn

Sunset yoga and kayaks

I had the best weekend. My mom and I decided to go spend a couple of nights at the Boat Club, and it was 100% worth it. We spent so much time floating around in kayaks (I'm super sore from rowing), catching and eating fish, and playing Scattergories. On the second night, a thunderstorm cleared and left behind a gorgeous sunset... which of course led to my mom, my aunt, and me having a (completely dorky) sunset yoga photoshoot.

I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with my grandparents, aunt, and momma. I have such an amazing family, and the world is so beautiful. I'm happy.

Kaitlyn

I don't know

Honestly, I've been struggling.
YSA has been such a lonely experience for me... I've felt unwanted and unnoticed.
I'm starting to question my choices about school... Do I actually want to take another year off? Do I want to go into a different program?
I thought maybe this was all because I'm supposed to go on a mission... After praying and going into General Conference with the question in mind, the answer I got was a no.
I feel very stuck. But I KNOW God has a plan for me, and I know that I have a purpose. I just have no idea what it is. I'm going to keep praying to and trusting in Him, and working towards happiness.

 

Kaitlyn

My best friend

My mom is the greatest blessing in my life. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to raise two teenagers on her own while juggling work and church callings. She is so brave and so caring. I am so grateful to be able to joke around with her and tell her everything. There is so much trust and love in my relationship with my momma... I don't know what I would do without her!
Happy Mother's Day. <3

Kaitlyn

Filling in (some of) the gap

Well, I haven't posted in a while. I really want to try to get into blogging again, but I feel so strange starting with a huge gap in time on my blog! It feels like I should have mentioned that dating in YSA is weird but very fun. It feels like I should have talked about how nannying can either be amazing or dreadful. So much more is missing!

So, here are some photos from a couple of happy times since I last posted... Just so that I can feel a little less weird about coming back.



 

New Years Day

 

 

 

Arizona

Mesa Temple Easter Pageant, ghost towns, tons of pool time